Every now and again I trip across an article that changes my attitude towards myself – this one did:
…OK, it’s not over yet, but I was having a review in my mind last night:
Adam aka The Boy
2008 marked 19 years since we met, I’ve now known him for longer than I didn’t know him.
It’s 10 years since we were married.
It’s 9 years lsince we moved into no29 (it’ll be 10 in May) .
Gertie, my grandmother celebrated her 100 birthday (sadly dying less than 3 weeks later).
My niece Zoe was born.
I caught up with a ploethra of Danish relatives.
In October I left RM, after just over 7 years.
I went on trips to: Madeira, Burgundy, Denmark, Turkey (inc. a fabulous few days in Istanbul) and Berlin.
However, when I think about this year, I think about my FRIENDS (including Adam, my best friend) – both near and far, old and new – who have sustained, supported, renewed, delighted, suprised (and best of all), amused me throughout this year.
I hope you all have a Happy Christmas (or religious/non-religious celebration of your choice :-)) – and that 2009 will be full of joy and laughter. I send you all my love.
Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, ‘What you too? I though I was the only one’.
At this time of year, my dear friend Gwen (loved by so many), made lavender bags. I’ve spent the last little while making bags of my own, and remembering her – the many happy times we had, and how much she loved lavender.
It seems apt that lavender was traditionally one of the colours worn during half-mourning. The smell will always remind me of Gwen.
Hmm – this rational honesty stuff is difficult. According to the book, one is supposed not to supress anger, you acknowledge it, feel it and move on. It’s OK to be angry – so it looks like the tourette chef is very psychologically healthy.
There is an exercise in the book about dealing with supressed anger with a person (which is for one’s own benefit, not their’s):
- Have a dialogue with them in your mind, say what you want to say, and let them talk back.
- Ring them up and arrange a meeting. Explain that you want to clear the air.
- Read the rest of the chapter before the meeting.
You turn the page, and the author says “Bet you didn’t do it!” – and you know what? I hadn’t!
There is someone I have a lot of anger towards. It all built up inside me and I ended up leaving a very angry and upset message on their mobile phone, and I haven’t seen or heard from them since.
Am I brave enough to call them and arrange a meeting? I can’t help feeling that it would just rake over old coals and do more damge than good. And yet, the anger and hurt I feel gnaws away at me like a sore tooth and comes up at the strangest times.
So watch this space…
I’ve been thinking about friendship quite a lot over the last few days. I don’t think I can do better than Aristotle in the Nicomachean Ethics (which I studied long ago). he divides friendship into 3 types:
- that based on brief pleasure (common amogst the young)
- that based on utility (typically involving commercial transactions or a distinct time and place)
- that based on goodness, this is rare and needs time an intimacy to flourish. Once it does it’s permanent
“It is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is and not for any incidental quality”
I was once asked what I’d like on my gravestone (it was an existencial exercise not something threatening). On reflection I’d like it to say “She was a good friend”